Loved this piece, Jamie. (And as you know, I relate deeply to that sense of not quite belonging. I agree, though, it can be a good place to dwell. Also: seeing the hotel pics makes me want to return to Chinon ASAP 😬xo
I think there must be quite a few of us who feel this way although the majority of people living in another country as expats or with more than one culture just accept and breath the status quo (all those expat communities and expat groups)... I think one has to be born both aware of one's differences and always had the feeling of being an outsider as a kid to feel it as an adult, don't you?
That was great! (Are you shocked I actually appeared? 😂) I didn’t know how far along the renovations were. We’ve only recently talked about your apartment. Looks beautiful! 🩷
Thanks for sharing this, Jamie. I can definitely relate to so much of this. I’m curious about your son and what happened in Italy — you mention it took him a while to feel comfortable. Also, I think I knew you speak Italian and had spent some time there, but I didn’t realize you actually lived there for several years.
Thanks for this wonderful article, Jamie. I grew up in the southeastern US, feeling like I never belonged in my family. I relocated to New York City 40+ years ago, but even though I cannot imagine living anywhere else, I’ve only begun to feel like a New Yorker in the past 10 years. I’ve studied the French language on and off since my high school days and loved French culture – some of it – but never lived there, and never became fluent in the language. I’ve always felt like I was on the outside, looking in to French culture. Still, your column resonated with me. My husband and I travel to Italy every year for a month, with occasional trips to France as well. I would love to visit Chinon in the future.
I love Italy and have studied the Italian language as well, but I have a greater affinity for France and its history and culture. We have friends in the south of France and in Tuscany, but they are English and Irish so I don’t have to speak Italian. Still, it bothers me that I’m unable to engage in small talk with shopkeepers and French acquaintances.
Dear Chris - I would LOVE to be able to spend more time with you! And I'd love to talk about this with you - you're closer to what my sons experience(d) than me, probably. I always think about you and your multicultural life both growing up and now. xoxo
Oh my, what a privilege to have a glimpse into these parts of your life and how your thinking has evolved over time! I feel like we've just shared a glass of wine and a long heart-to-heart conversation. Sending big love from the Canadalands, from one expat to another.
The tortured genius (awful term) Gustav Mahler said, as he took the peak musical job in the world, director of the Vienna State Opera (in that venomously anti-Semitic environment): I am thrice homeless, as a native of Bohemia in Austria, as an Austrian among Germans, and as a Jew throughout the world. Everywhere an intruder, never welcomed.
I make no such claim to greatness, although I’ve worked directly for people of world renown. But as a kid born to war refugees recently arrived in the then-sorta-welcoming US, Philadelphia was my accidental home. Almost no extended family, cousins, aunts whatever. Mostly killed by Nazis or gone to parts unknown.
Long story… but after graduating college, and on to graduate school… never thought of anywhere as “home”. Still don’t - after living in Boston, Australia, Hawaii, the Marshall Islands, Seattle, Hamburg and now (probably finally) the SE Portuguese coast. Four or five “careers”, whatever that word means.
Mainly, my learned lesson is to be secure in yourself & your values and not “stuff”. Accumulate too much crap, and it owns you. Applies to non-physical baggage as well. Abraços e beijinhos!
Hi Jamie, The renovations look fabulous - you even moved a staircase! And your jams look lovely ; we did an orange amère too. We'll have to come stay with you when we visit l'Abbaye de Fontevraud from Angers.
Beyond those little bits to respond to the end of your article, I wanted to say how deeply this article resonated with me. I used to say I was a puzzle piece that didn't fit, especially when I was looking for jobs when we moved to the Dordogne and from the Paris region.
I really hear what you're saying about comfort, choosing, and I agree that it's about accepting How we are Where we are. For me, it was never about trying to be French ; I'm an American who married a Frenchman. Even after living here for more than 40 years, my accent is still my 'signature' and that's fine.
You have no idea with how many aspects I can identify! I am a German who moved to Atlantic Canada 30 years ago, because I never felt completely at home in Germany. Being a non-conformist par excellence, I never, even in childhood, felt that I belonged. Eventually in my teens I decided to turn my otherness into a virtue and I did not want to fit in, was proud of being different and standing out. And having chosen to become a church minister, a clergy person (for the United Church of Canada), made me always not quite like the other folks in this culture and society that I chose to immerse myself in. I am well accepted and liked, but not like anybody else. I am at home in myself, though. And 22 years ago, when I found this magical place in New Brunswick, Canada, with ocean frontage and a house just big enough for me and my cats, I feel at home here, too. People in this tiny community of roughly 1500 people are open and accepting, and care for each other; are very neighborly.
Maybe the French cuisine is your true home?
I notice as I grow older that I more and more identify as German in a cultural way (yes, language and upbringing and history have a lot to do with that), and see that I can never really identify as Canadian for many reasons. And I feel very comfortable at home in myself and in this in-between place of 2 cultures.
Thank you for sharing this! I really enjoy this connectedness - also with your recipes to my Europeanness!
So beautiful on so many levels—thank you for this wonderful article and sharing your experiences. Can definitely relate having grown up in different parts of the world, and then enjoying being able to call South Florida and The Bahamas home. Thanks for all your heartfelt writings.
Happy to be the 50th like and the 30th comment on this piece. So well done, Jamie -- and it's no wonder that it continues to gain such traction. Not every food writer is going to pause to write about one's identity; I myself found myself doing the same recently and I'm amazed at the outpouring of support. So well done, but thoroughly unsurprised and thoroughly enjoyable in a longer-form format. Also, congrats on the nearing of the hotel renovations! That's fantastic, and I'm looking forward to reading what's next. Votre santé! - Seth ✦
I was going to make a cup of coffee and then read this, but I got so immersed I forgot all about making it. Well done.
The hotel was lovely "before" and I'm sure it is welcoming, serene, and comforting "now" all the more.
And I loved seeing the picture with you and dear sweet Allison. She's a jewel too.
And the delicious marmalades! I'm coming!
You MUST come back to visit, dear Lenie!
Loved this piece, Jamie. (And as you know, I relate deeply to that sense of not quite belonging. I agree, though, it can be a good place to dwell. Also: seeing the hotel pics makes me want to return to Chinon ASAP 😬xo
I think there must be quite a few of us who feel this way although the majority of people living in another country as expats or with more than one culture just accept and breath the status quo (all those expat communities and expat groups)... I think one has to be born both aware of one's differences and always had the feeling of being an outsider as a kid to feel it as an adult, don't you?
Oh, and please come visit this year!!
"I have spent a lifetime confusing movement with transformation" .. what a beautiful revelation at this time in your life Jamie!
EVERYTHING in this post resonates with me .. thank you for sharing this.
I loved seeing you in one of the pictures too. "Hey, I know that lovely person too!"
Thank you, my dear friend xoxoxo
That was great! (Are you shocked I actually appeared? 😂) I didn’t know how far along the renovations were. We’ve only recently talked about your apartment. Looks beautiful! 🩷
And I’m super thrilled to see you here! 💜
Not my apartment. The hotel! JP and his sister are renovating the last room!
Thanks for sharing this, Jamie. I can definitely relate to so much of this. I’m curious about your son and what happened in Italy — you mention it took him a while to feel comfortable. Also, I think I knew you speak Italian and had spent some time there, but I didn’t realize you actually lived there for several years.
Yes, we lived in Milan for almost 7 years. I loved it. Yes, my son’s story is curious indeed.
Oh wow, 7 years! As for your son — did he refuse to speak Italian? What made him uncomfortable?
Honestly It’s really long to explain. I’ll try to tomorrow when I’m back on my laptop.
That’s ok :) I was just curious but don’t feel like you need to take the time to explain 🤍
Thanks for this wonderful article, Jamie. I grew up in the southeastern US, feeling like I never belonged in my family. I relocated to New York City 40+ years ago, but even though I cannot imagine living anywhere else, I’ve only begun to feel like a New Yorker in the past 10 years. I’ve studied the French language on and off since my high school days and loved French culture – some of it – but never lived there, and never became fluent in the language. I’ve always felt like I was on the outside, looking in to French culture. Still, your column resonated with me. My husband and I travel to Italy every year for a month, with occasional trips to France as well. I would love to visit Chinon in the future.
Thank you for sharing, Katherine. I’m curious to know how you feel when you’re in Italy?
I love Italy and have studied the Italian language as well, but I have a greater affinity for France and its history and culture. We have friends in the south of France and in Tuscany, but they are English and Irish so I don’t have to speak Italian. Still, it bothers me that I’m unable to engage in small talk with shopkeepers and French acquaintances.
Only one solution…move here and to a place where you’re obliged to hear and speak French all the time.
I know, but easier said than done at this stage of life.
I can totally relate. Thank you so much for writing this post. I really must come back to Chinon. Will try to over the next 12 months if possible.
Dear Chris - I would LOVE to be able to spend more time with you! And I'd love to talk about this with you - you're closer to what my sons experience(d) than me, probably. I always think about you and your multicultural life both growing up and now. xoxo
Oh my, what a privilege to have a glimpse into these parts of your life and how your thinking has evolved over time! I feel like we've just shared a glass of wine and a long heart-to-heart conversation. Sending big love from the Canadalands, from one expat to another.
I cannot wait to see you again! And have a good old proper chinwag! xoxo
Me too!!! Soon! xo
Jamie, I lived in Vienna for four years—which pales to your experience in France—but felt much the same as the way you describe so insightfully.
Thank you so mcuh George. Are you back "home" now? How did your experience in Vienne (lucky you!) change how you feel now?
I loved this, Jamie. Really needed it this week!
Thank you, Curtis my friend. That really makes me happy.
The tortured genius (awful term) Gustav Mahler said, as he took the peak musical job in the world, director of the Vienna State Opera (in that venomously anti-Semitic environment): I am thrice homeless, as a native of Bohemia in Austria, as an Austrian among Germans, and as a Jew throughout the world. Everywhere an intruder, never welcomed.
I make no such claim to greatness, although I’ve worked directly for people of world renown. But as a kid born to war refugees recently arrived in the then-sorta-welcoming US, Philadelphia was my accidental home. Almost no extended family, cousins, aunts whatever. Mostly killed by Nazis or gone to parts unknown.
Long story… but after graduating college, and on to graduate school… never thought of anywhere as “home”. Still don’t - after living in Boston, Australia, Hawaii, the Marshall Islands, Seattle, Hamburg and now (probably finally) the SE Portuguese coast. Four or five “careers”, whatever that word means.
Mainly, my learned lesson is to be secure in yourself & your values and not “stuff”. Accumulate too much crap, and it owns you. Applies to non-physical baggage as well. Abraços e beijinhos!
Hi Jamie, The renovations look fabulous - you even moved a staircase! And your jams look lovely ; we did an orange amère too. We'll have to come stay with you when we visit l'Abbaye de Fontevraud from Angers.
Beyond those little bits to respond to the end of your article, I wanted to say how deeply this article resonated with me. I used to say I was a puzzle piece that didn't fit, especially when I was looking for jobs when we moved to the Dordogne and from the Paris region.
I really hear what you're saying about comfort, choosing, and I agree that it's about accepting How we are Where we are. For me, it was never about trying to be French ; I'm an American who married a Frenchman. Even after living here for more than 40 years, my accent is still my 'signature' and that's fine.
Thanks for sharing. It is your story but the questions, feelings, doubts, and triumphs are universal experiences and touched my heart.
You have no idea with how many aspects I can identify! I am a German who moved to Atlantic Canada 30 years ago, because I never felt completely at home in Germany. Being a non-conformist par excellence, I never, even in childhood, felt that I belonged. Eventually in my teens I decided to turn my otherness into a virtue and I did not want to fit in, was proud of being different and standing out. And having chosen to become a church minister, a clergy person (for the United Church of Canada), made me always not quite like the other folks in this culture and society that I chose to immerse myself in. I am well accepted and liked, but not like anybody else. I am at home in myself, though. And 22 years ago, when I found this magical place in New Brunswick, Canada, with ocean frontage and a house just big enough for me and my cats, I feel at home here, too. People in this tiny community of roughly 1500 people are open and accepting, and care for each other; are very neighborly.
Maybe the French cuisine is your true home?
I notice as I grow older that I more and more identify as German in a cultural way (yes, language and upbringing and history have a lot to do with that), and see that I can never really identify as Canadian for many reasons. And I feel very comfortable at home in myself and in this in-between place of 2 cultures.
Thank you for sharing this! I really enjoy this connectedness - also with your recipes to my Europeanness!
So beautiful on so many levels—thank you for this wonderful article and sharing your experiences. Can definitely relate having grown up in different parts of the world, and then enjoying being able to call South Florida and The Bahamas home. Thanks for all your heartfelt writings.
Happy to be the 50th like and the 30th comment on this piece. So well done, Jamie -- and it's no wonder that it continues to gain such traction. Not every food writer is going to pause to write about one's identity; I myself found myself doing the same recently and I'm amazed at the outpouring of support. So well done, but thoroughly unsurprised and thoroughly enjoyable in a longer-form format. Also, congrats on the nearing of the hotel renovations! That's fantastic, and I'm looking forward to reading what's next. Votre santé! - Seth ✦